I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
