I just threw up on my dentist
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
