Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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