she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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