I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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