i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
