And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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