ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
