Me too!
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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