my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
where does the pee come out of this thing
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
