I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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