forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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