She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
