Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Can I color on your dick again?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
