Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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