peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
