I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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