My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
