He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
