I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
