Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
