I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
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There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
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There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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