Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He kissed a someone with a penis
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
