i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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