Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
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