I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
