so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
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So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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