Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
