Im at strip club and am horny
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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