He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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