He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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