Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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