you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
