He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
how drunk are you?
Several
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
