wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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