I think I died a long time ago.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
