just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize