the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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