if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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