all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
