if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
