he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
