Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
