Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
