So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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