I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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