dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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