The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
