last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
