Tell her she can't have a vagina
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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