Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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