"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize