We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
