Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
