She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
