so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
