there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
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I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
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if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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