Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
