So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
