I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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