Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
