you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My vagina just clenched in fear
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
