i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize