You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
